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I just failed two horrible tests and it was not fun. Thursday was Chem and today was Anatomy. I wish I could at least try harder. There's just something about studying that I can't get down. I fill everything out, but when it comes to studying, my mind goes blank. I basically need to just remember things as I'm taught them so I won't have to feel in the dark when it comes to studying. I just don't study.

I still feel so lost. I have no idea what to do with anything right now. I know I feel the gap between the friends is stronger. And it's funny how only this year did I just realize it doesn't matter anymore. Friends go away. Sometimes you may see them from time to time. But soon you'll lose touch with them. They have they're own lives to live. And that's the way it is right now. But what hurts the most is that every single friend I have has another life that could be waiting for them, and I'm the only one with nothing. I'm the chain keeping them right where they are when they want to go away.

My dad comes home and the first thing he says to me is, "Well, I guess I'm lucky." I heard the words laid off and nothing else. I didn't want to hear the news that I would have no idea what to say to. Every year his work does this, and every year I feel like it's coming closer to get us. A horrifying monster creeping on us slowly.

This is such a depressing post but it's the only way to say it out loud. I don't think any of my friends would like to hear me bitch and moan when they have their own problems to deal with. I wish I could feel different right now, I wish I could be in such a good mood. Maybe I'm just craving attention which is one thing I completely hate about myself. My need for attention.

I can only hope next year will be better. And sadly, Alex has never come back to me. There's always this hope that he'll come back but I know it's not true. But still, who the fuck loses their iPod from Art Club to their own car? Yeah, that's right. Me. One more semester. Then one more year of high school.
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